Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
