Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
