Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
