I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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