its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dicks are not precious.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
