Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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