I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
