Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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