I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
