remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
