the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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