Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
