If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
