Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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