Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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