so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
