guys are only as good as the porn they watch
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
