Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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