Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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