Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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