operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
