I showed him my bush... on skype.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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