You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
