Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
