he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
