shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize