The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
