i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
