i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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