ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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