My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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