he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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