so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
