If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude i'm inner monologue high
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
