Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
