i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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