my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
