the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
