The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize