Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
