she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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