Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize