I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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