she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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