I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize