The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
