literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
