grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
