Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
