if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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