there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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