I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize