i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize