i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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