Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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