sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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