The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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