There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
