I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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