Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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