Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
