So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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