My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
