4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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