he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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