Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
