i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
