We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
